Friday, November 11, 2011

Introducing...My mother! Guest blogger extraordinaire.

Wow! I was just realizing the other day that I have been consistently writing on this blog for a little over 4 years! That must be some kind of commitment record for me. For those of you that know me well, rarely do I follow through on a project or finish a complete thought for that matter.

So in celebration of my little blog, I am opening up the mic to hear some fresher, wiser, and wittier voices. Sages if I ever knew them....My mother being one of them :) Incidentally, she is a fantastic writer! Here is her first post in a series. Enjoy!!!

If only I had known (#1 in a series)…

If only I had known the truth about the “Crisper” drawer in my refrigerator. I thought that it was designed to keep your produce crisp and fresh – I imagined my fruits and vegetables lying in the bin as in a vegetable spa…crystal clear water droplets quivering like dew on their skin, their little faces glowing with healthful vitality, as though fresh from a peel. I felt benevolent, like a wonderful hostess as I ushered them into their vacation retreat. And yet, almost as soon as they left my hand to enter their spa experience, I erased their existence from my mind with a push of my hand as I closed the bin. Days, yes, I shudder to confess, even weeks later I opened the bin shamefully, peeking in at their now-rotting carcasses, putrid smells assaulting my senses. No fruit salads chatting by the poolside, no green goddesses lounging around drinking smoothies. I gingerly removed them to the trash can that now housed their decomposing remains, their reedy voices accusing me from the driveway until the garbage truck came and hauled my shameful secret away.

I learned the truth about the crisper and the guilt it had been torturing me with one day while I was helping my sister put away groceries. She told me “Just throw the berries in the rotter.” “The rotter?” I queried. “Yeah, you know, the crisper. You throw your produce in there and you forget that it exists and then it rots. So really, it’s the rotter.” The heavens opened, the angels sang! I was not the only one burdened by shameful veggie abuse and neglect! Someone else had gone so far as to bring their secret into the light and give it a name! I was not alone! I was freed of my burden! Free!

And now, knowing the truth, I no longer had to fear the rotter! I knew what its game was, I knew where it lived. And I would use it to my advantage. No more unrealistic expectations of its purpose. Now I was clear in my knowledge of what it was up to with my pricey peppers, my tender tarragon, my luscious leeks! It was out to destroy them! It was, after all, THE ROTTER!

From this point on I looked at things in my refrigerator differently. I am in control now. When I go into the kitchen to start a meal I look in the rotter first. What is in danger of being ruined in its clutches? That is what I will use first. Who cares if it’s in the ingredient list for my recipe? I will add it anyway and experiment! Anything to save it from the rotter! I will make my grocery list while standing in front of the open rotter drawer – peering in to make sure I have used all the precious produce before buying more. If I haven’t used it and can’t be sure I will use it today, then I will Google “Freezing Apples” or “Freezing Celery” and follow the wisdom of the internet sages who have gone before me into battle with the rotter! Nothing will stop me in my quest to use all these beauties as nature intended!

So now I know. One of the most basic favors any cook

can do for themselves is to “Work from the rotter first!”.


Spin Class Jan said...

Great blog post! Very well written and funny. I just threw away a weeping bag of spinach from the Rotter yesterday so I share your shame!

anita said...

Very good, Joanie! I must admit that term originated with my witty husband. I love your idea of working from the "rotter" first!