I think all pregnant women should be given the option to go into hibernation if they so desire. That is what I feel like doing. With the exception of spending time with my son and husband. I do admit though there have been days these past couple of weeks that I have felt so sick and tired that I would have payed someone to take over for me.
I am learning to give myself special grace. I am not going to be as good a mom as I was before I became pregnant. It's inevitable that some days Calvin will have all white flour based breads and crackers and no veggies, just because I can't stand the smell of things cooking, even if they smell kind of good... I do feel guilty about this. Poor kid, I'm sure he doesn't care though! And I don't always feel like moving around all that much to play with him, but I do force myself to be somewhat present with him throughout the day.
Oh no, you say, just another gripe session from the pregnant lady. Yep, yep it is. It's therapy you know. If you were pregnant and sick all the time you would want to complain, at least a little, to feel a little better. I think it's working.
I looked up on babycenter.com today the development calendar of my little babe. They should be about the size of a blueberry by now, which if you live in Michigan, really doesn't make it all that clear- seeing as we have gigantic monstrosities for blueberries. And then there's the typical grocery store blueberry which also varies in size. Ah, I digress....
You may notice a slightly different sounding voice within these new posts. I think with the hormones, it brings out the sassier Katie. I am much less afraid to voice my opinions. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
Another topic of note lately is that I am discovering just how weighed down with emotions the idea of being pregnant is among fellow young women my age. It seems that these young women fall into one of a few categories:
1) Still single and desperately hoping to find Mr. Right...and their deepest desire to start a family someday.
2)Married, but have been disappointed in trying to get pregnant thus far.Or their husbands are dragging their feet. Or a financial situation may be preventing it.
3) Married, with a child already and have either had one or multiple miscarriages since then or no positive results thus far.
I have, again and again heard stories from so many young women lately, pouring out their hearts to me about wanting a husband and a family so badly and fearing that that may never come to pass. Or meeting women who have had multiple miscarriages.
It is so sad that such a joyous thing is so tainted with sorrow. I must admit it did take us awhile to get pregnant this time, and just in those 6 months of sitting in the bathroom feeling disappointed over and over again. It was ultimately way too easy to lose faith. And I think I did my friends. For a time. Or maybe it was just the acute sense of longing and perhaps a trace of panic that we wouldn't be able to conceive again. And alas, God is faithful, just when I began to lean on his strength and to stop obsessing over it-it happened.
I count my blessings, believe me. I never dreamed I would marry such a wonderful man. Nor that I would have one healthy, beautiful boy. My life is not over though, and I'm sure there will be more sorrows placed on my heart in the meantime. I am thinking of you tonight, my friends who are grieving the loss of hope. I am saying a special prayer that you would find peace in God when you let go....and TRUST. In the words of a great woman of the faith. "It will come up."