Wednesday, September 29, 2010

18 Months {my little climber}

We've hit another milestone! Calvin is now 18 months old! One and a half year's old! He is really starting to develop his little personality now. He is smart and strong, both physically and willed. He is climbing and sliding down the "big boy" slide at the park. He can eat from plates and bowls and is using forks and spoons quite well.

He can eat most things now, thanks to his mouth full of teeth, including his molars. He loves crunchy things like crackers, cereal and granola on his yogurt. He is eating more "normal toddler food", like peanut butter and honey sandwiches with thin slices of apples or mandarin oranges for lunch. He usually eats whatever I make for us for dinner too. He has a BIG appetite and eats most everything.

He runs everywhere and climbs EVERYTHING! He especially loves to climb up into mommy's computer chair and use the mouse and keyboard just like mommy. I even found some really simple and cute computer games that he likes, where you can press any key and the graphics change and make noises, like a firetruck or little animals moving. He likes it.

He loves to "read" and sometimes will just sit for several minutes and look at books by himself turning the pages and studying the pictures. It's super cute. He also likes for me and Daddy to read to him. His favorite books now are "Barnyard Dance" by Sandra Boynton. The words have a nice rhythm to them and so I usually slap his little hand on his leg along with the rhythm of the words. He loves it.

He is starting to play more, including pretend play. He will act like a dog and crawl around panting. He looks back at me and wants me to chase him, so we both end up pretending to be dogs, crawling around on the floor. Hah! Fun!

He also LOVES our dog Cooper and any other animal, especially cats. He points at any animal and either pants like a dog or meows like a cat. I think he is going to be an animal lover.

He is a healthy boy for the most part. I did find out recently that he does have a bit of a pidgeon toe on one foot, which explains the clumsiness. The doc says that it usually self corrects in time and they will keep an eye on it, but he should be just fine. Other than that, he is a big healthy boy!

I love being home with him, although most of the time I am exhausted :)........It is fun to watch him grow so quickly and become his own little person. I love the little guy with all my heart. Next big one is 2 years!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Missing Tenderness

I think a big part of what I've been missing with Calvin is tenderness. Since he's been approaching toddlerhood, moments of tenderness and even cuddling have become few and far between. Tonight was different. I think God was reminding me just how important my mommy role is and the unique bond that I have with my son. I found myself gazing at him lovingly instead of out of frustration with his "temper tantrums". He held on to me just a little longer before I laid him down to bed and gave me a "kiss" upon request. He has started patting my back as I pat his. I look forward to this night time ritual. To feel like all the battles of the wills and chasing him around frantically has in some way been worth it. And I know it is. But it's those moments, when he says "ma-ma" and then lays his head on my shoulder that melt my heart.

Lord, help me to cultivate tenderness in some way this week. Help me to find the energy to teach Calvin new things and to play with him instead of working on my own agenda. Help me to savor these tender moments.


Friday, September 3, 2010

Cappuccinos make me happy.

I am staring down at sticky toffee and cream colored froth stuck to the edges of my wide rimmed cappuccino mug here at Cafe Tosi. I've never seen so many people here. I am drowning in humming, buzzing conversation and clinking of real coffee cups and spoons. There are piles of chocolate croissants and curry chicken salad panini on every plate. The humming is interrupted every now and again by a large man sitting in the booth corner who seems elated that he is alive today. I love it here. Is it odd that I leave home to find some peace of mind and alone time in this buzzing mecca of happy people? I think not. I think so often I want to be surrounded by them. I want to study them and find my societal place among them. And so here I am.

I have had a rough couple of days this week, to be frank. I was sick and miserable with a head cold the last day or two. I haven't left the house since before I was sick, come to think of it. I think I am driving Dan mad. I have little to no tolerance for messy spaces that I cannot clean because I don't have any energy. And speaking of energy levels, little buddy has truly been wearing me out. To the point of me sitting down and crying over little battles that I cannot win with him. Battles like letting him continually play with our computer mouse, knocking the keyboard off of the desk in the process. Or being right there every time he decides to climb the chair again. His new favorite words are "sit down" he repeats them over and over, as if he's heard them somewhere....

Ahhh, back to the clinking chaos of my perfect little cafe. It is so good to get away. I have not been the best mom in my opinion, this last week. I am searching for God in this. I am trying to hear his still, small voice. Give me patience Lord. Give me strength to get through this place I'm stuck in right now.

"Finishing is better than starting. Patience is better than pride." Ecc 7:8

This verse intrigues me. It really should be my motto the more I think about it. I need to finish something. I think that is a big part of my frustrations. Everywhere I look in my house there are unfinished projects, unfinished laundry, unfinished dishes, unfinished bills and other business to take care of. And, most of the time, by Calvin's nap time, I am too tired to tackle a project and actually finish it.

As I'm writing this, I can just hear all of the moms in my head. "That's just a part of being a mom." you say. I'm sure it is. But right now in this wilderness, it is hard to see the sunlight. I am dissapointed in myself. I have reached a new low.

Lord of my life, I pray that you would give me the patience in every moment and every little unnecessary battle. Help me to find you and find strength to get through it. And not only to merely survive it, but to conquer it as a vibrant, life-giving mother who doesn't take crap. Help me to become that god-fearing woman and mother that I have often caught glimpses of, the one that you are teaching me to become. Thank you for this day and this place and for the way you continue to mold my heart in your hands. Help me to love my son and my husband, even when I don't feel like it. And continue to craft my skill as a mother.