Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Walking. It's official.

Calvin is now 14 months and is walking quite well. I am actually quite relieved that he is walking. I think my anxiety level has gone down. He is much steadier and nimble in his motions and doesn't pull up on things as much, which can be scary.Now he just waddles around the house chasing Cooper and giggling.

He is getting sooooo ridiculously cute too. I find myself wanting to stay home with him more and more. I feel like I am missing out while I'm at work. Which brings me to my next point. I will be quitting my job here in the near future to take on a venture brand new to me. The role of being a stay at home mom.The name just sounds so restricting doesn't it? Who wants to just stay at home all the time? Does that mean I don't get to leave? If anyone knows me, they know that I thrive on adventure and discovering new things. My cabin fever is so bad I can't even stay home the length of a full day, without going stir crazy.

My mother has always been (at least as long as I can remember) a career woman. A driven, goal oriented, workplace diva. That is kind of what I pictured myself to be. This staying home business and letting my man bring home the bacon is hard to accept. I never thought I would say that, but I am discovering new things about myself all the time, now that I am a mother.

I don't know how to be a stay at home mom and keep myself sane. I don't know how to support my man. I don't know why I struggle to accept this new role.Am I so prideful that not earning income is considered somewhat shameful? What is wrong with this picture? These are my children we're talking about. I need to be there for them.I never understood this until now.

I will most likely still substitute teach a couple days or find odd jobs, so Calvin will still get some time in with the Grammas. But it is increasingly important to me that I am there to teach him new things, take him on trips to zoos, apple orchards and libraries. I want to be there to watch him light up when he sees something for the first time and learns how to say his ABC's. I guess I just want to be there. More.


Melody said...

It's hard for the modern folks to appreciate stay-at-home parents. I think the guilt we feel for staying at home is based on how society expects of women now. I feel guilty, too, but when I think of going back to work the guilt is much worse. There's nothing wrong with devoting yourself to your family. If Dan supports you, there's nothing to be ashamed about! And by the way, if you ever have the days when carting Calvin around places seems exhausting... think of me ;)

Katie D. said...

Yes, Melody. I am not ashamed of devoting myself to my family. I've just never experienced devoting myself in this different way. Nor seen an example of it in my own childhood, so it's uncharted territory! There are actually a lot women in our area who do stay home with their kids, so I'll have a great support system and probably find lots of playgroups at our church-which I'm excited about. I do think of you! You must be sooo tired. :)