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Friday, December 4, 2009

Being a Mother, Direction in Life, Faith in God

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

There in nothing in my life up to this point that has ever compared to this newness. I feel honored to have been given such a perfect little life to care for and to raise all on our own. I am Calvin's mother. His one and only. The weight of that statement is sobering.

I've been thinking about what kind of mother I want to become lately. Only to come to the realization that I am who I am and that I cannot fit into a mold of a certain type of mother. How foolish of me to think of it that way. Yes, there are things that I can work on. Attributes that I can try to "put on". Ultimately, I am just the way I am. It's strange to feel this "mother" welling up inside of me and coming out in the way I speak, touch, listen, look and direct. It was never there before. Or maybe it was, it was just buried deep within lying dormant-a seed. I am learning the beauty that God intended for this family relationship. It is so much more than I ever understood.

One thing I have been noticing about myself as a mother is that I am more logical and less emotional. This is new for me. I am still emotional make no mistake about that, but I also have this new way of viewing the world. I want to give my children a sense of stability and a secure future, especially financially. Dan and I have a plan we've been thinking about for me to work 4-5 more years so that we can be debt free. This is so important to me. I have felt torn about it though because I always thought that I wanted to stay home with the kids, especially when they are young. But then my logical side keeps me at bay because I know what an impact it would make for our family to free up our income and get rid of this awful student debt that follows us around.

It's a tough call. I know that I don't have to make a decision today or anything, but just take a day at a time. Take life as it comes. That's hard for me though because I do like the control, like we all do. I need to trust God. I know that he has and will be faithful to us.

I keep clinging to the thought that Calvin will only be five and we could be debt free, able to sock away more money for his college and for our future. That is huge for me.

The pros are:

Summer break, Christmas break, and spring break- time I can spend with the kids.
Getting home fairly early at 4 pm.
Calvin gets to spend quality time with his grandma and nana who love him dearly, and his dad too.
I am not overwhelmed with "baby world" and get to have more adult interaction, so I am ready to spend time with him when I'm home and really enjoy each other.
No more Debt after 4 years!!!!!!!!! Plus my pay jumps up quite a bit at 7 years.
Great insurance. We owed nothing for Calvin's birth etc. (The church's insurance is not very good, which could mean more debt for us in the end)
I really enjoy my job, which is hard to find.
After 4 years I could quit and stay home with the other little ones.

Cons:

Feeling like I might regret not being home with my children when they are young.
Missing some of those special moments.
Feeling like I'm not living up to this ideal of being a good mother.
Being tired after work.
Will have to pay a lot of money to our debt over time and really will keep us from having financial freedom.


These are all thoughts I have been wrestling with. I need to seek God in this more. I also feel like maybe I need to redefine in my own mind what makes a good mother. I am who I am and I need to acknowledge the feelings that I have when I feel that something might be better for my children in the long run. I don't know, like I said it's a tough call. Please pray for us in this decision.




Tuesday, November 24, 2009

How Big is Calvin?......This Big!


Calvin is now raising both his hands in the air and thinks it's so funny, so we started saying "How big is Calvin...This big!!!" and he throws his hands in the air, it's super cute. Just had to share.

Friday, November 20, 2009

I can hardly keep up! 8 MONTHS

Wow. I feel like I can hardly keep up with writing these posts to document Calvin's new milestones! A few days ago, I went into his room to pick him up in the morning and he was standing up holding onto the rail with the biggest grin on his face! That is the first time he has ever done that! He was so happy about it. He kept doing his little throat laugh that sounds really funny, like a laugh that won't come all the way out. He is making leaps and bounds this month. It's really fun to watch him accomplish new things.

Now he is crawling pretty well and fast too. Everytime we sit him down in his room to play he makes a b-line straight for his door. He likes the shininess of the wood floors I think and a whole new area to explore! Hurry Dan get the half wall around our staircase built! He has been developing more "Behaviors" too. Like when he doesn't like something or he wants a toy he will make this high pitched shrieking to let us know he's not happy. I heard my friend Dottie compare this sound that her daughter makes to the wring-raiths in the Lord of The Rings (if you're familiar, which I hope you are) I had to laugh because that is exactly what it sounds like!
It's funny because he can turn it on and off now, he is totally learning how to manipulate.

Dan has been sick with the swine flu the past week. Poor guy, he was wiped out and sleeping for like three days straight. He's feeling much better now. Thanks to Tamiflu. But he's still pretty weak and has a nasty sounding cough.

That's all for now!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Clarification

Looking back on my last post I wanted to clarify some things. First, that it sounds really kind of weird written down and said out loud. I guess that is the case with most things spiritual. I have dreams and that is pretty much it, other than having discernment on things as well. I think we had an interesting discussion on "prophets" in our bible study awhile back and we learned that prophets not only can see things that may be coming in the future, but mostly they can see the big picture of the present clearly . I do not wish to claim that I am a prophet. That does sound strange. I'm just exploring my spiritual gifts and trying to figure out if God speaks, and if so, how? I think that is a question that has intrigued humanity forever. So who knows? I wonder what others think of it....?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Realization...a prophecy?

I have been going back and reading some of my old posts about my pregnancy. There is a post called "Strange Dream" about a dream I had that was...well, strange. I only have these dreams every so often, maybe twice a year or so for my whole life. But they are extremely vivid, realistic and spiritual. I sometimes feel that God is trying to tell me something. Yes, this sounds kind of weird I realize as I write this, but it is what it is. In that dream I had I remember dreaming that the doctor gave me the option to let Cal "come out" earlier than usual and I remember he wasn't born traditionally either they just sort of pulled him out of my stomach. Now as I read the post it kind of comes together for me. Maybe God was trying to tell me how it would all go. That is indeed what happened in the end. He came early and he came by an unexpected c-section. Huh. I don't know if that's significant other than me putting two and two together. Maybe God really does speak to me through these dreams? When I was in utero my mother was singing at a big Christian Convention of some sort and she told me later that the preacher prayed over her tummy and told everyone that her baby would become a prophet from some divine word he got. I've thought about that story from time to time and wonder if it may be true. I hope that I am not just projecting this onto my life. We all have spiritual gifts, I believe that. Who knows...I do think I don't give the spiritual world enough credit sometimes. Maybe I should pay more attention.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mom-ma, Bye-Bye and Crawling





Major Milestones! Calvin has started crawling! About a week ago he got really motivated to crawl to the laundry basket in his room. He's in love with it. Dan's mom taught him the neat trick of sitting him in there and dragging him around in it and since then he can't take his eyes (or his hands) off it! He has been scooting around mostly backwards for a few weeks and the laundry basket finally did the trick. He just wanted it bad enough. I actually captured the moment on video on my phone and I'll post it as soon as I can. It's pretty cute. He is saying momma now too. It melts my heart. He has been really snuggly too, which I also love.

Sunday after church we went over to Dan's grandparents house for lunch and as we were leaving he actually waved back to his grandma. We experimented with other people waving bye and he did it like four times in a row. We'll count it! It was super cute, he held his hand up high for a few seconds and kind of flipped his hand around a little. It's amazing to me that you really don't have to teach them these things. I guess I always thought you really have to work hard to teach babies and kids to learn new things, but I think they mostly just absorb from what is happening around them and probably because their brain is growing so fast. It is fascinating. Maybe I am just used to teaching the kids that I teach at school too :) Cal is a pretty smart little guy.

His second bottom tooth poked through finally too. Phew- he has been so squirmy and restless and grumpy. Comes with the territory I suppose. That's all for now. I'm sure there will be more to report soon.

My Review of Graco MetroLite Stroller - Mondo

Originally submitted at Toys R Us

This lightweight stroller with full-on features is made for life on the move. The strong aluminum frame has height adjustable handles and folds with one hand so it wont slow you down. A large, always accessible basket and a parent storage tray with cup holders keep you on top of your game. The mult...


This stroller is EXTREMELY convenient!!!

By Momy KT from MI on 11/9/2009

 

5out of 5

Pros: Comfortable, Stylish, Smooth Ride, Easy to Set Up, Easy To Maneuver, Easily Stowed, Lightweight

Describe Yourself: First Time Parent

This stroller (an older version) was given to me as a hand-me-down and I absolutely love it. It was one of our essentials when we had our son 8 months ago. My favorite thing about it is that the car seat easily snaps right in. This is invaluable for when they are asleep in the car and you don't want to wake them up. Just snap them right in and you're ready to keep going! Calvin also loved to sleep in it. We used it as a portable bassinet when out and about. Our Graco car seat(you must have Graco for it to fit) had an umbrella cover that folded down and then the stroller also had a cover that folded down so he could be completely covered and sleep through anything we encountered i.e. really windy family picnics, cold outdoor weddings, noisy stores.....you must buy this combo car seat and metrolite stroller, it's perfect.

(legalese)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Prayer for memory...

Lord,

Please help me to remember this moment right now. The feel of my sweet baby boy asleep in my arms, the weight of his sweet little head resting against my chest and the rhythm of his breathing as he drifts off to sleep. I need to remember this feeling, as I sense the slipping of time through my grasp, make this etched in my mind for always.

Amen.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I have an obsession...

For my birthday I ordered an umbrella photography light kit, an extra flash and diffuser for our camera and a reflector. You thought my obsession with taking pics of Calvin WAS bad, you ain't seen nothin' yet. I came home from work to find my long awaited package on our doorstep. I had the lights set up and taking pics with Calvin on our couch in a matter of minutes.

We've been disconnected from the internet for several weeks after we broke it off with AT& T and their horrendous customer service. (which is another story for another day) So needless to say I have been without Facebook for awhile now, since it is blocked here at work. When we get hooked back up next month-be prepared for an overdose of the Calvinator. Heh- I am in a rare mood today :)

I am loving this whole photography/videography thing as of late. We filmed my good friend Shanna's wedding a couple weeks ago, and we have another wedding on Nov. 21st. Still saving up to get our camera. Getting closer now....

Friday, October 16, 2009

Toofins!

Calvin broke through his first Toofin! As we call them....(we've made all sorts of new words with a baby around the house). It's the left one on the bottom front. I was an hour late to work this morning because we were up so much last night. I think it actually broke through a couple days ago, but it's starting to just barely come up now and I can feel the one right next to it coming in. He is CRABBY. I'm sure it hurts....but it's making ME crabby too. We've arrived at the "teething phase" officially.

Another note. Calvin is getting so strong and up on all fours rocking back and forth and flipping really quickly. We can't use the little wedges on his sides anymore-they don't work. The last couple weeks I will go in to check on Calvin and he'll be in the very corner on this belly and in other weird places. Last night on two occasions I went in and Calvin was up on all fours rocking back and forth and smiling at me like he was having a grand ol' time crawling around his little crib.

He's starting to get more cuddly too. He'll lay his head on my chest and suck his thumb. He'll sigh and it makes me feel so lovey inside. He actually let me rock him to sleep the other night, which he would never let me do before. It's good and it's bad. Good because I kinda like all the cuddliness. Bad because I can't really lay him down and walk away as much as I used to. He's waking up more in the night too and I think it's because he wants me-or at least wants to nurse anyway. He wants to be comforted more. I read in a book that it's pretty normal at this age for them to go through a phase where they want their mommies more and also to wake up in the night just because they want to nurse. I think it probably makes him feel better when he's teething. They said the best way to get them to keep sleeping through night is to just let them "cry it out". Well, we've tried this method-it's much harder than it sounds. We'll keep trying I suppose.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

6 Month Doc Appt.

Calvin saw Dr. Shah yesterday for his 6 month check-up. He is 28 in. long and weighs 19lbs. 3 oz. He is in the 95th percentile for his height and the 75th for his weight! He continues to be one big baby boy! He barely fits into 9 months clothing now!

He had to get his vaccines this visit too. I don't know if anyone else is aware of the debate going on about whether or not there is a link to childhood vaccines and autism but I have been reading a lot about the debate. On one hand, there really is little scientific evidence that says that the vaccines cause autism. On the other hand, parents continue to swear by it, and some doctors say that there is a concern possibly in the amount of vaccines that the infants receive at one time. In many cases, the docs say that the possibility of the child contracting the diseases is greater than the onset of autism.

It still concerns me though, especially with cases of autism in Dan's family. I also work with children with autism and sometimes I'll admit it scares me to think that they really don't know a lot about it or what causes it, yet we continue to see more and more cases. Our schools are busting at the seams with kids with autism. It's pretty crazy. So Dan and I had a discussion about it and decided to spread out Calvin's vaccines. So he didn't get them all at once.

He still has to get the chickenpox and the MMR when he is 12 months old. Those are actually the two vaccines that are in question. We'll see when we come to that bridge, if we cross it, but for now we'll take the advice of a lot of parents and some doctors about spreading them out. That way his immune system doesn't go into overload with the some 7 or 8 vaccines in one visit.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Concerns

Well I have to say I am thankful that so many people are concerned for me. I guess I am a bit taken aback even at myself, that I came out and said it so honestly. It's hard to be honest when I struggle, especially because I am such a control freak and admitting I need help is always hard for me in any situation. I want people to know that I am ok though. I will be fine and conquer this too. With help from loving people and a loving God.

Thank you for your concern. It feels good to know that people care.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Dark Side...

Well I never thought I would say this, but I think I might be struggling with some PPD, aka post-pardum depression. I don't know why but I feel like a failure for even saying that. My emotions have been ALL over the place the last few months. Dan can attest to that, Ha! I love being a mother, but for some reason I have this gloominess hanging over me like a perpetual rainy day. Who ever thought it could be this hard to feel happy? It makes me even more sad to think that I am spending these precious months when Calvin is so little and will never be this little again, feeling this way instead of just enjoying our time together. Phew. So much has happened to me physically and emotionally the last 6 months, plus 9 months of pregnanc- it's exhausting to think back on it. And yet, it is also the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Is that possible?

I'm hoping with time that I can shake these feelings and become a bit more stable in the coming months. There is a hope my friends!

Monday, September 21, 2009

6 MOnThs!

Calvin is now 6 months old. We've hit some major milestones lately...First of all about 2 weeks ago Calvin started saying "da-da". Dan had gone on a fishing trip with Brandon, Skye and Jeff for the whole weekend. I know it's hard to believe but I think that he actually missed his Daddy, because he started saying "da-da" by the second day he was gone and hasn't stopped since. My mom and I first started noticing it in the Chick-fil-a drive thru. "Did you just hear what he said?" said my mom. "It sounds like he's saying Dada." and sure enough it got louder and clearer as he repeated "da-da" with a great emphasis on the Da's-just like we say to him.

Also, he has tasted apples and carrots now, and is eating oatmeal regularly. I thought it would be harder for him trying new foods, but so far no problem for this guy. He loves carrots! And the apples- he ate all of them, although he had a very contemplative look on his face the whole time. I can see two little white dots on his gums, he's been crying a lot in the night and has been feverish. I think they should come through in the next week or so-that's my prediction.

I've gone back to work too. The first week was actually kind of nice. I only worked three days and it felt good to get up first thing in the morning, get a cup of coffee and a nice toasted bagel and get showered and dressed before 8am all while my sweet baby was asleep. But week three is now in full swing and all I can say is that I am very very tired. Hopefully I will get used to it soon. The paychecks coming in are nice, but I do miss my Calvie! I am a constant student of sacrifice.

Friday, July 31, 2009

It's already July 31?!?!?!?!?!





Where has the summer gone??? Well life has gotten much easier as of late. Calvin is growing so fast. His last check-up was for his four month shots (that's right he's now four months old!) and he measured 26 1/2 in. long and 16.7 lbs. He is in the 92nd percentile for his height!!! He's a big boy! His head is still pretty small in circumference-only the 15th percentile. The doc is keeping his eye on it. Also, there was a concern that the back of the left side of his head was too flat and he might have had to get a catscan and get a helmet made for his head to help shape it. It looks like that is not a concern anymore. Thank you Lord! That was a little scary hearing those words at the time. At the end of his visit the doc lifted him up and said "Well, you're just a big boy with a little head!" and Calvin smiled real big at him. It was too funny! He did well with his shots and although I could tell he didn't feel very good for a few days afterwards he handled them pretty well. He's a tough little guy.

He is such a happy boy now. He smiles and tries to giggle (though it sounds more like little grunts at this point) and coos. He is especially happy in the morning and we bring him into the bed and have family time. He talks and smiles and pinches our noses and it is just the best way to wake up and greet the day. It makes being a parent feel so good. I love him so much. More and more as time goes on.

He is sitting up in his toy "exersaucer" now and he spins the little chicken rattle and looks at himself in the mirror and grabs at it. You can tell he is such a smart boy and he is developing soooo quickly. He can watch me from afar while he sits in it and will track me as I do the dishes and walk around the room.

We've had many adventures since I last posted. We went up to Dan's family cabin up north on Jehnsen Lake twice now. It's a big deal because he is the 5th or 6th generation of first born sons to go up and fish. You should have seen the bass he was catching....lots of keepers ;) Also, we went blueberry picking and even made it down to the beach with his little baby tent.

It has been a great summer thus far. I love being a mom. It's like everyday is exciting watching him master rolling over and pushing up while on his tummy, or catching on to me playing peek-a-boo with him. I am trying to enjoy it as much as possible before I go back to work full time Sept. 1st. I have mixed feelings about going back to work. But I have great people caring for him. Dan will be able to work from home quite a bit and watch him and then on some afternoons, my mom and Dan's mom will watch him. I think it will be good. It will help us to keep meeting our financial goals and get out of debt much quicker, which is also important for Calvin's future. AND I get the summers off which is awesome, plus Christmas and spring break.

So the future is bright my friends. I am so thankful to God for all the blessings in my life. I am truly living life to the fullest right now.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Being a mommy...




I love being a mommy! It has gotten really fun lately because Calvin is smiling and really starting to show off his personality. He is such a good baby. He hardly cries (most of the time) and is just so happy these days. Who knew how wonderful having a child could be? Well some of you already know :) It shifts your whole mindset. Everything is about preparing for the future. "Let's make this room a playroom so when Calvin gets older he can play legos down here." or " Maybe we should fence this part of the fence." or "let's stash that away for Calvin for his college" Everything becomes about them and caring for them for many years to come. I have started to really evaluate my career and goals. I have been wanting to own and operate my own business since I was a little girl (just ask my mom ;) and so Dan and I are seriously pursuing our wedding videography business. Getting a website, logo, cameras.....it's a lot of fun. My thinking is that I'll be able to stay home more with the kids doing it. It's all so exciting for me. You should check out our website: MementoVideography.com I really hope God blesses this pursuit. It is a passion of mine and also a great way to spend more time with my precious baby! Keep us in your prayers about it if you remember....

Cute Calvin moments: The other day I was looking at him and yawned and he yawned right after me! Then he smiled a little smirk that just semed to say "I caught your yawn momma!"

He gets VERY happy after I change his diaper now and smiles with his mouth open real big and a little dimple on his right cheek. He kicks and waves his arms up and down and is so excited. It just melts my heart.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Anderson Trip- Our first big getaway!






So.......Dan and I decided it would be a good idea to take Calvin, pack up our van and head south three hours to our college hometown Anderson, IN for his brother's graduation. Hmmm.....not too sure what sounded like a good idea about that. Calvin was barely seven weeks and I thought we were adjusted to life with baby by now, boy was I wrong! I have never taken a trip so taxing on my body and sanity. Between changing him on the front seat in parking lots while raining.....to feeding him- jammed amongst the bags in the back seat. And staying at different people's homes trying to cram in our social agenda while there. All the while Calvin was extremely fussy and made it a job just to have a conversation with friends. It was quite hysterical looking back on it now. It gives the term "family vacation" a whole new meaning to me.

But we did get to see some of my dearest friends. Rachel who just had her son who is only two weeks behind Calvin and Melody who will be having identical twin girls this summer (yes, we have already arranged their marriages with AJ and Calvin). My good friends and college housemates Amy and Shanna (and Amy's sweet sister Mary who is also pregnant!)were there as well and it was sooo nice to see them even if we didn't get to talk much. It was good to give them hugs and see their smiling faces AND introduce them to Cal.

Nick and his wife Mary (Dan's brother) graduated that Sat. from AU and we had some good times with them and family and wishing them off on their adventure to Montana. They will be missed and it was hard to say goodbye but we are so excited for the path God has laid before them.

It was a great trip! Even though we swore we wouldn't do it again for awhile...all the trials were kind of adventurous and it will be a story we can tell Calvin when he gets older. " I remember when you were just a little newborn and we carted you all the way down to Anderson and everywhere else, living out of the back of a minivan."

Wednesday, May 6, 2009



Calvin is now 6 weeks old and he is really changing. I noticed it today especially. I took off his clothes and he is actually really chubby. I love him too. Not that I didn't before, but I just feel so close to him, so much in love with his little self. I just want to kiss his little rolls and it pains me to the core when he cries or seems to be in pain or discomfort. I get really defensive while driving or tell others who are driving (....Dan.....) to watch out for every car that might be sneaking out in front of us. I am feeling that motherly instinct I suppose. The natural tendency to protect my offspring ;) I am wondering why I didn't start having children sooner! I love this whole motherhood thing. I am SO grateful to God that I have a wonderful husband to help me through the hard times. We make a great team. I hear good husbands can be hard to come by these days.

I think I felt it the other day. Some of you may know what I mean. I felt "family". I felt that good and right feeling.....sitting there just watching it all play out in front of me. Me holding my sweet baby boy, his soft skin against my cheek and my husband playing tug of war with the dog and us laughing. It is such a wonderful feeling. I feel so privileged to be let in on this new family feeling. It's different than any other feeling in my life. It's what God intended- I just know it. It's us........

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Calvin Smiling!!!



It's funny you don't realize how silly you sound when you talk to a baby...haha. How cute is he though?

Monday, April 20, 2009

Calvin is one month old!










Can you believe he's already one month? His little life is flying by!!!! I sure can't believe it. He's already so much bigger and has little chubby cheeks and rolls! How cute....Last time I went to the doctor he was 8.5 lbs. I bet he's over 9 now. We've been having some good times-he and I. We are big buddies and spend most of our days together, just lounging, sleeping and eating...ahhh the life. We went on our first walk the other day and it was so fun! Calvin slept most of the way and I just enjoyed all the little flowers coming up and the sunshine. Hooray for Spring! Calvin came just in time.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Holding him for the first time...

Our first meeting

Homecoming










Calvin is now 12 days old! I can hardly believe it. Time is really flying by. Coming home was wonderful. I thought I would be more nervous and paranoid of anything happening to Calvin but so far I have been pretty relaxed and confident of my "mommy skills". It is strange but it's like you just know what to do in a way. Dan has been fixing everything around the house and being a huge help with feedings and washing pumps for me. I can tell he's trying to be a great Dad. I've even noticed the Bible laying out and around the house more. It's a new feeling that having a child brings about I suppose. It compels you to strive for new levels of self-control and discipline. It's the big "R" word- Responsibility. But this time the word doesn't have a negative connotation. It's not like having some dreaded obligation, but rather a joyful and very important task entrusted to you by someone greater than yourself.

When we arrived home we heard a knock on the door and 5 huge boxes were sitting on our door-step! We opened them up to find lots and lots of gifts for baby Calvin. What a way to be welcomed home! My Granny and Aunties and step-mom and cousin from Kentucky sent us a "shower-in-a-box" complete with games to play, lemonade and the cutest cookies with little baby feet on them (thanks to Melissa!) Also there was a package with 24 wrapped gifts in it, one for each hour of our first 24 at home. Wow everybody-thank you! We had a lot of fun opening it!

Thanks also to our great family and friends who helped us get moved the day I went into labor. We were all set to move that day and Calvin decided to come! Everyone worked so hard and got us moved in and somewhat organized for our homecoming with the little babe. A special thanks to Diana and Joanie-the new grandmothers who really stepped it up and helped out in so many ways. We had groceries and clean laundry and a nice clean living room without boxes to live in when we returned. It felt like home!

Baby's Here! Welcome Calvin James Deitrich!!!!!!!!










































































































































Well the moment we've been waiting for has finally arrived! Sunday March 22, 2009 our baby son Calvin James Deitrich entered the world! He was breech and we had to do a C-section around 4:00 in the afternoon. My water broke at 4am the night before and so Dan and I hurriedly drove to the hospital, only to wait for another 11 hours of early labor. After about the eleventh hour the Doc noticed that my contractions were stalling and I wasn't making any progress, so he examined me and felt for the baby. When he did, he thought he felt his face, which I guess is not a good position for the baby to be in either. He ordered an ultrasound and lo and behold what he was feeling were actually his feet! Calvin was trying to come out feet first! His bottom was on my left side and his head on my right so he was sort of sideways. Little did I know at the time that that meant I had to have him by C-section. I was still optimistic about giving birth vaginally but that was not the case! It turns out it was the best for his safety and mine. I guess it would not be fun to push a baby out feet first. That's what they tell me anyway :)

So within an hour I had been scrubbed up and given a spinal anesthetic and was all ready to go. I have to admit I was a little scared especially because Dan wasn't there in the room with me until a bit later when they delivered him. I have never experienced anything like that surgery. I could feel tugging and pulling and pressure but no real pain. I couldn't see anything because of the big blue curtain in front of me, but I listened as the doctor's chatted away about their kids making honor roll and doing well in home ec class. It was surreal. Finally Dan joined me all scrubbed up himself, and within minutes Calvin was born! Dan peeked around the curtain to watch that part. First I heard, "Oh there's the feet!" and then the doctor mumbled something about his scrotum being enlarged or something (which was strange) and then for the first time I heard his beautiful little cry! I looked at Dan and suddenly the adrenaline and the tears came. My son! All I could see was the nurse cleaning him up to the right side of me and they said something about a birthmark and his head being smashed from the position he was in. That scared me, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion that it all seems a blur now. She brought him to Dan and Dan sat beside me holding him so I could see him. And just like that he was swept away and I was left alone again in the operating room while they sewed me back up.

About an hour later I got to hold me sweet baby in my arms for the first time. There is definitely nothing like that moment in my life. It is such a miracle. God is truly an amazing creator, that my son was inside of me growing and developing into a perfect little boy. I feel that I understand a lot more about the world already -being a mommy. He weighed 6lbs. 13.5 oz and was 20 inches long. He had quite a bit of hair too! He has a little birthmark on his forehead with a little patch of dark hair on it. The doctor said that it should be in his hair line, but we could have it removed if we want to. He is precious nonetheless. A perfect little bundle of love!

We stayed in the hospital for three days, and they were probably the longest three day of my life! I was soooo exhausted. The c-section really is painful afterwards. We also had a lot of visitors and nurses coming in all the time. They stuck me with all the student nurses, so I had to get checked twice every time by two different nurses, the student and the official nurse. Can anybody get any sleep in these hospitals?! We really enjoyed seeing everyone though. My Dad was able to make it out of the blue because of a show he was playing in Chicago and so he was only two hours away when we were admitted to the hospital. I'll always remember those moments of "first meetings" with Calvin and our loved ones.

Finally it was time to go home! We almost had to stay another couple of days because of Calvin having jaundice, but it turned out to be fine. Leaving the hospital was another emotional moment for me. There I was sitting in the wheelchair holding him and looking out the front doors waiting for Dan to pull the car around and suddenly I was overwhelmed with emotion again. This would be his first time out into the real world and his life would never be the same. I began to think about all the trials he might face in his life along with all the joys and how I didn't want him to ever have to feel pain or dissapointment or hardships. And then I thought about all the joyful moments we would someday have together. It was like I was watching a movie play out in my head and it all began with us entering into that cool March afternoon. The whoosh of the doors blew a breeze through my hair and Calvin squirmed as he felt the cool fresh air against his skin. Life would never be the same!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

36 weeks

Well I am 36 weeks today! That means that in one more week I will be considered full term!!!! So the baby will be perfectly fine if he comes at any time between now and my due date...(or after- yikes!) This past weekend was the shower marathon weekend. I had one shower on Sat. and one on Sun. One was for my mother's side of the family and the other was for Dan's side of the family plus church friends. It was quite the weekend! It was so good to see everyone. I usually don't get to see my mom's family very much and it was a little smaller crowd (for once) so it was really great to catch up and spend some good quality time with them.

Mary came up for The Deitrich's shower and Heather from Fort Wayne and the Thrasher gang from K-zoo. It was so nice to see everyone together in one room! We played some fun games like guess the candy bar in the diaper which is always a hoot. Especially watching my grandma's face as she opened each diaper and examined the melty mess of chocolate...priceless.

We got so many nice things for our little babe! So many cute clothes....I love how little everything is. Dan came at the end and helped bring the goods up to the baby's room at the new house. We then went through everything together and layed it all out and on his shelves. It was a really sweet moment that I'll never forget. The sun was shining in through the windows and we sat there on the floor looking through one of Dan's favorite books from when he was a little boy. Diana gave it to us to pass on to the baby. It was so sweet to watch him turn every page and light up as he remembered such a treasured story. I can't wait to watch him read it to our son.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Whew!

These pics are from our new house!!!!

























































Wow! A lot has happened since my last post...First of all, I took my maternity leave from work about a week ago. I originally thought that I would go until March 30th, but not so. Work was getting more and more stressful and I kept getting bigger and bigger. Actually the last week I worked our most aggressive kid hit the teacher in the stomach and she had to go into the hospital for three days. She is pregnant as well and she is more high risk than me, but it was still frightening. We also gained another student that is also very aggressive. I just couldn't take it anymore. I went in to the doc for some bad cramping and he wrote me a note to leave a little early due to "physical trauma". I feel much safer now being home and being able to rest and relax.

Speaking of resting. We haven't been doing too much of that. Well, mostly Dan and family and friends. We've been working non-stop on our new house! Yes, that's right we are officially home owners for the first time ever! We got quite a steal on our new place thanks to a bad market :) It is beautiful and exactly what Dan and I have always wanted. It has a loft and a fireplace and an open kitchen and a beautiful view of the ravine and creek. We are so blessed. I can't believe we actually own it and will be moving in soon. It's truly a dream come true. We've painted-everything-doors, windows, closets, walls and trim. Dan, Brandon and brother Matt layed down a nice new ceramic tile floor, courtesy of the Deitrich's. They had a lot of tile left from their own home project. Dan just finished the grout a few days ago and it looks amazing. Not bad for a first timer. Next on the list is the electrical work (thanks to a family friend Robert and his mad skills) and then sanding and resealing the wood floor in the living room. Then finish packing and moving. Thanks Diana and Dan and everybody else who helped, you really worked hard and helped us out a lot!!!!! We couldn't have picked a better time to move eh? Oh well, hopefully I don't come early :)

I am 35 weeks now! It seems so crazy to me. I have felt pregnant forever, but at the same time it seems like only yesterday we just found out. I am ready to get the show on the road though. I've been preparing myself. I have had several Braxton Hicks contractions and some pretty bad cramping in the nights so I'm just taking some extra measures to make sure I'm ready to go. I went to Walgreens yesterday and bought mini toiletries, like shampoo and conditioner and tiny toothpastes (love those tiny things!) I also bought some hard candies which I hear are good for keeping your mouth wet while breathing when I get sick of ice chips. I also downloaded some self-hypnosis recordings and nature sounds music to help me relax. I packed some books and important papers like my birth plan and phone numbers all in my bag and am pretty much ready to go. I think it's been scaring Dan a little bit. I can just tell he's getting kind of anxious. Especialy with the house not quite ready yet. Worse comes to worst we can just stay in this house for a few more weeks until we're ready to move. Hopefully we'll get it done in time though!

Here are some pics that we took so you can see our house and the progress we've made. Just for the record I know I don't fit in that tiny pink shirt anymore but I had no other clothes that I could get paint on, thank you very much.
 
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